Ask Me Your Transgender Questions You Are Otherwise Too Scared To Ask

"Kat Callahan" (kyosuke) 01/28/2016 at 21:16 • Filed to: None

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Given all the bullshit on the front page comment section, I want to have the OPPOrtunity to clear the air without inviting too many trolls. Look, I’d prefer to talk about cars on a car website, but I also won’t shy away from taking on ignorance. If you’ve got a question, but are afraid you’ll be jumped all over, this is the space to ask.

Berang > Kat Callahan 01/28/2016 at 21:23

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Is it possible to be a transgender transvestite? On a superficial level at least it seems to cancel out. On another level, it seems to make heads explode.

K-Roll-PorscheTamer > Kat Callahan 01/28/2016 at 21:25

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Are there any unique or specific adversities?

Kat Callahan > Berang 01/28/2016 at 21:28

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Yes. Since they refer to entirely different concepts. Being transgender just means you disagree with your assignment at birth. There are many reasons for that (some of them medically demonstrable later). Transvestite, which simply means wearing the clothes associated with the other gender. So, when a trans person does, say, drag, to make fun of gender norms, that doesn’t erase their gender. A trans woman may dress up as a man to make fun of toxic or exaggerated masculinity. She’s still a woman.

CRider > Kat Callahan 01/28/2016 at 21:30

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In your opinion, is a DCT a manual trans or an automatic?

ADabOfOppo; Gone Plaid (Instructables Can Be Confusable) > Kat Callahan 01/28/2016 at 21:30

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I wondered why your wallet was what is typically considered a “man’s” but have always thought you were not said gender.

So, you were born male and are now not?

Anyway, keep up the great coverage of good old wacky Japan. We, well I, always look forward to reading about what crazy thing the Japanese have done next. And there can never be enough ape-shit turbo-3-banger AWD Kei cars.

I own dead car brands only > Kat Callahan 01/28/2016 at 21:31

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Wait, who’s transgender? It never crossed my mind that there was transgender members here.

I teach at a high school where there’s a high number of transgender, gay, lesbian, bi and straight kids. They all have one thing in common, they can be little bitches from time to time.

TheHondaBro > Kat Callahan 01/28/2016 at 21:33

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Is there any legal process in declaring a gender?

Tangent (And I’m probably gonna write a post about it later). I’m aware of the current debates on whether or not we should allow transgender people to use the bathroom that corresponds to their sexual preference. I find an issue with that idea. I think there will be people who will take advantage of this freedom and possibly commit rape. I’m all for transgender people having these freedoms, but I think there should be some governing body, at the very least to officially declare one’s gender preference, to help prevent such a thing from happening.

R Saldana [|Oo|======|oO|] - BTC/ETH/LTC Prophet > Kat Callahan 01/28/2016 at 21:33

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How exactly, or what exactly causes a person to disagree with their born gender?

R Saldana [|Oo|======|oO|] - BTC/ETH/LTC Prophet > I own dead car brands only 01/28/2016 at 21:35

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The bigot in me always saw this as kids (especially middle to upper class kids) striving for attention of any kind.

Berang > Kat Callahan 01/28/2016 at 21:35

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Good old fashioned cross dressing. Transcends all genders.

Kat Callahan > K-Roll-PorscheTamer 01/28/2016 at 21:35

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If you mean are there types of discrimination directed only at transgender people, the answer is yes. We call this discrimination transphobia. It’s tied very heavily to misogyny and femmephobia and some have argued (like scholar Julia Serrano) that transphobia is just misogyny/sexism wearing a different set of clothes. Some call the intersection transmisogyny.

Examples might be declaring someone a man or a woman only if they meet a laundry list of traits even when children are born all the time without everything on the list, or refusing to acknowledge the legality of identity documents, or refusing to cover transgender specific medical care under insurance or national healthcare plans, or as the case has been in the comment section to which I refer: a refusal to believe that stable, happy, successful trans people exist. Many trans people choose to go stealth (as I do offline), and most people assume we are cisgender (not-transgender) until we say otherwise.

TheHondaBro > I own dead car brands only 01/28/2016 at 21:37

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I believe Miss Mercedes is transgender.

AkursedX > R Saldana [|Oo|======|oO|] - BTC/ETH/LTC Prophet 01/28/2016 at 21:39

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I don’t know if there is any definitive answer to this question, but there is lots of talk about a biological and genetic component. Male and female brains are distinctly different and males can have a female brain and vice versa. But that single component doesn’t guarentee someone will be trans.

Hot Takes Salesman > Kat Callahan 01/28/2016 at 21:40

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On a scale of 1 to Trump how do the front page commenters rank on the dickhead scale?

Kat Callahan > I own dead car brands only 01/28/2016 at 21:41

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I’m transgender, although as stated, I prefer to talk about cars here. In general, in my day to day life, I am stealth. I am not out as transgender usually in person, but my Jezebel work was heavily tied to my academic positions in regards to the trans experience.

I teach at JHS, and while I would never refer to my kids that way, it’s true that “teenagers will be teenagers.” That’s why we have jobs, right?

R Saldana [|Oo|======|oO|] - BTC/ETH/LTC Prophet > AkursedX 01/28/2016 at 21:42

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Case in point, when I came to fully realize attraction to the opposite sex, this would be obfuscated by my middle school class mates because I was a new student and Hispanic. Oh and I had the gall to turn one girl down for my existent girlfriend at that time. I then struggled with my sexual identity for a few years never becoming secure in my sexuality until I finally reached a different plain of existence in young adulthood.

Kat Callahan > TheHondaBro 01/28/2016 at 21:43

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There is. It’s called the government. The United States, New Mexico, and Japan all identify me as female.

There are places where people cannot change their gender, even when they’ve gone through social, economic, and physical transition. This is wrong.

TheHondaBro > Kat Callahan 01/28/2016 at 21:44

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Thank you for your insight.

Daily Drives a Dragon - One Last Lap > Kat Callahan 01/28/2016 at 21:47

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How much of a social “no no” is it to ask if someone has had gender reassignment procedures of some kind?

Kat Callahan > ADabOfOppo; Gone Plaid (Instructables Can Be Confusable) 01/28/2016 at 21:47

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I was assigned male. In truth, I was born with a more complicated anatomy. I have, as an example, mild androgen insensitive syndrome, meaning my body sometimes worked with testosterone, sometimes it didn’t. It means, developmentally, I’m not in either the male or the female range completely. Compared to many trans folks, I had no problem getting the doctors on my side about changing my gender documents formally, and my visits to psychiatrists were solely to comply with the law. I have three different diagnoses all saying, “Yeah, this person is totally mentally stable. Proceed.”

I also identify as a lesbian, and that wallet was a gift from an ex-girlfriend. I have more “girly” stuff I put it in, like a Sailor Moon side bag, but generally, I’m not a purse person.

DrJohannVegas > Kat Callahan 01/28/2016 at 21:47

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I got no questions, just wanted to state (again) that you are rad as fuck.

Kat Callahan > Daily Drives a Dragon - One Last Lap 01/28/2016 at 21:50

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EXTREMELY.

If I asked you about the state of your genitals, how rude would you think me? If you wouldn’t ask someone you think is cis, why would you ask someone you think is trans. And what if you’re wrong ? I have a cisgender lesbian friend who is far more masculine looking in bone structure than I am. She’s taller, bulkier, with an angled face. People assume she’s trans constantly, and it’s incredibly embarrassing for both her and the person who asked.

Little Black Coupe Turned Silver > TheHondaBro 01/28/2016 at 21:50

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How would that be inforced? ID cards one must scan to gain entrance to a bathroom?

Let’s be honest. There is very little stopping men from sneaking into women’s restroom now, especially in low traffic areas. Do you really think men are going to go to the bother to dress as a woman just so they can walk into one freely?

Kat Callahan > CRider 01/28/2016 at 21:51

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AUTOMATED AUTOMOTIVE.

Spaceball-Two > Kat Callahan 01/28/2016 at 21:51

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No questions. Just want to say I admire your strength and courage. I hope to raise my child to accept and ignore the uneducated asshats.

fhrblig > Kat Callahan 01/28/2016 at 21:51

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Alright, I’ve been struggling with wrapping my mind around this question for years. (For the record, I am a gay man. I am totally secure in my masculinity, and I have always been attracted to men.)

There is a person born, let’s say, biologically female. However, they feel like they are supposed to be male...but yet are attracted to males. (This isn’t uncommon.) The part that makes it hard for me to understand is that you are already attracted to men, but you are biologically female... how could you not find a way to live with that? You have the advantage of being attracted to the sex that is socially acceptable to be attracted to, plus the bonus that you could now procreate with your partner. How could you not find a way to live with that? Life isn’t perfect, but I could totally envision a scenario where I could not only live with it, but be happy. I concede that there must be some sort of unhappiness or uncomfortableness (is that even a word?) that you feel you are the wrong gender, but since there are so many unfair things in life that you can’t control, how could you not help but make the best of it?

Nibby > Kat Callahan 01/28/2016 at 21:53

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Just here to say that I don’t really know many transgender people, but the few I have met are really awesome and genuinely caring folks.

Daily Drives a Dragon - One Last Lap > Kat Callahan 01/28/2016 at 21:55

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I was wondering because that seems to be the first thing that’s asked in an interview with a transgender person.

Kat Callahan > R Saldana [|Oo|======|oO|] - BTC/ETH/LTC Prophet 01/28/2016 at 21:56

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You are not born with gender. You are born with anatomical traits which we often conclude is “sex.” But nature is messy, and sometimes these traits: hormone levels/system, genitalia, testes/ovaries, etc, etc can be all mixed up, or not fully developed, or absent... Take someone with CAIS (I have MAIS), that person has a vagina, and the vagina is functional, but no uterus, and undeveloped testes/ovaries, with XY chromosomes. Is this person male? Is this person female? And that’s a different question than: will this child grow up to be a woman or a man? Is this child a boy or a girl?

Gender recognition of both self and of others comes between the ages of 3 and 6. One is no more born with gender than one is born with a specific language. Transgender children are those who develop a gender in opposition of their assigned sex past the “recognition exploration” period of early childhood development. I identified as a girl at three years old and never stopped. How much of that is due to my physicality, how much of it is due to external factors? No clue. But it’s real and demonstrable.

Kat Callahan > Little Black Coupe Turned Silver 01/28/2016 at 21:58

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This is why the question is a red herring. Predators have been doing crazy shit to get into spaces for the history of humanity. They don’t need to pretend to be trans folks to do it. They’ll just do it.

AkursedX > Kat Callahan 01/28/2016 at 21:58

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Very cool you started this. I don’t have any real questions as I was a teaching assistant in college for a sexual-behavior class for 3 semesters and learned a ton about transsexuality as well as meeting and interacting with a few people who have gone through the transition.

Talking to those people about their feelings really helped me to understand as best as I could about how one could feel they are in the wrong body. I’m glad that there are avenues anyone who feels that way to make themselves feel ‘right’ for lack of a better term.

I do have one question. Did you do your hormone therapy, SRS, and the consulting and therapy in Japan? If so, do you have any idea if there was insurance coverage for any of it? Basically, do you have info as to comparing the process and costs between japan and the US?

(Sorry for typos, I’m typing on my phone)

71MGBGT Likes Subarus of Unusual Colors > Kat Callahan 01/28/2016 at 21:59

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How’s your day going, Hopefully this isn’t putting too much of a damper on it? What are your top 5 favorite Japanese cars?

Kat Callahan > Daily Drives a Dragon - One Last Lap 01/28/2016 at 22:00

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Right, and one of the coolest responses was to Katie Couric when Laverne Cox and Carmen Carrera looked at each other like “Oh, no she didn’t.” Then they looked Couric and told her, somewhat politely, to take a hike.

TheHondaBro > Little Black Coupe Turned Silver 01/28/2016 at 22:09

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At least a system that will deter bad people from easily taking advantage of it. But you do bring up a good point.

In a Mini; let them mock me as My Mini Countryman is higher than you > Kat Callahan 01/28/2016 at 22:10

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Can you explain AGP vs. Trans?

Xyl0c41n3 > TheHondaBro 01/28/2016 at 22:10

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Hondabro, dude! Do you really think there are rapists just waiting for permission to cross dress in order to enter women’s restrooms with the intent to rape us? As Kat says in response to LBC below, that “concern” about allowing trans people to use the restroom of the gender they identify with is a red herring.

Though stranger rape does, indeed, happen, the vast majority of rape survivors are raped by people known to them. Unfortunately, there’s no need for the extra step of putting on a skirt and scoping out the restrooms at KFC.

A totally unrelated aside.... How you doing? Everything well... Or at least better than the other day? Here’s a photo of Enzo for you.

Kat Callahan > fhrblig 01/28/2016 at 22:11

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I identify as a lesbian. So I can definitely answer this. First, sexuality and gender are distinct. If you can’t conceptually separate the two concepts, then none of the rest of my explanation will matter.

First, gender typically develops before sexuality. There’s something about sexuality that also starts to develop early in life, which is how many LGB people recognise their sexuality marks them as different fairly early. However, this isn’t universal. There are also trans people who ignore their gender recognition to better fit in, especially for the reasons you have listed. This usually ends badly, because it’s a lot easier to transition the younger you are for many different reasons.

I found my adolescent struggles difficult because my gender recognition happened long before I found myself attracted to anyone. And that was not until I was in the seventh and eighth grades. And I definitely had the internal conversations with myself about rather my sexuality and my gender recognition were at odds. I also was isolated enough that I thought I was the only person who felt like I did for a long time. This was the mid nineties. It wasn’t until I graduated from high school and got broadband internet at university that I started searching about how I felt to find out there was a whole world out there of discourse and vocabulary.

I have never had a relationship, even in high school, where I was not open about how I saw my gender identity, so I can’t tell you how I could have found a way to “be happy” within my assigned gender. It just never happened, totally outside of my ability. I had a pretty rough childhood and adolescence because it didn’t even dawn on me to hide my expressions of gender. It meant a fair amount of violent bullying, but I never thought that I was the one who to change my behavior. It just made me believe that the only way I could protect other kids was by becoming a teacher myself. So I did.

Kat Callahan > TheHondaBro 01/28/2016 at 22:14

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Also true!

Bman76s-ws6OtherAccount > Kat Callahan 01/28/2016 at 22:24

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Thanks for continuing to be awesome!

On a side note, Bumblebee picture makes me think: If you were a Transformer , what would your vehicular form be? Would it be your Honda Logo?

Rusty Vandura - www.tinyurl.com/keepoppo > Kat Callahan 01/28/2016 at 22:26

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It strikes me that there might be some middle ground here. It strikes me that if one human tells another human that they are “trans,” or is out as trans, then it strikes me as fair for the second human to wonder how the first person is plumbed. Wondering, and asking outright, obviously, are two different things.

As I ponder this, I cast about for analogues. For instance: I mention, from time to time, depending upon the situation, that I have joined the Clipper Club , which has great membership benefits by the way. This is not something I feel inclined to go about announcing, but it is a state-of-my genitals thing. If you and I were to meet professionally, or socially, it would never occur to you to ask if I had undergone a vasectomy procedure, but if talk turned to family, it could come up.

Like I said, I’m just looking around for analogues to this state-of-your/my-genitals thing and I would assume that the sensitive second human being wouldn’t ask the question of a person that they didn’t know very well. And people are disposed to struggling with “different.”

Just a few thoughts. This is a courageous conversation you’ve started.

Kat Callahan > AkursedX 01/28/2016 at 22:26

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I did. I covered a lot of the run up to this on GroupThink/Jezebel/Powder Room before coming over to Jalopnik. I mostly said everything I wanted to already, and I’m pretty happy with saying my piece. It was for me. This here on Oppo? This is for you, folks.

I will note, not everyone agrees with the trapped in the wrong body thing. I generally like my body. Like everyone I have a few things I’d like to go one way or the other, but in general, if I had unlimited funds and unlimited painkillers with absolute certainty of no ill effects later, there are few things I’d change. Part of that, however, is because of my MAIS and the passing advantages that has given me in some areas.

I was diagnosed with GID (back when it was GID) in 2003, officially, but I was dealing with the Navy, and I wasn’t sure how to approach them. There are lots of trans people in the military, some serving as themselves, others in hiding. No blanket policy is yet in effect. But 13 years ago? Just like being LGB, it was a one way ticket to a discharge. I ended up resigning because my gender expression was attracting negative attention. In the end, I was sexually assaulted by some fellow members at a party. Proof that sexual assault can happen anywhere, at any time, in any sex or gender combination, and it’s almost always people you know and should be able to trust. I resigned after that and left Texas to get involved in politics where I tried to live more openly until I ran out of cash. Political interning paid far too little, and I couldn’t get journalism job.

When I got to Asia, I had more immediate issues on my mind, so it took a few years for me to feel comfortable enough to start officially changing stuff. And yes, I went to another psychiatrist, got my referral as mentally stable, went to a famous hospital here, they ran tests, found my intersex traits, and wrote me a prescription for HRT. I last had it filled by my doctor in New Mexico though. Tests are covered, check ups are covered, HRT isn’t covered, but really should be. Birth control isn’t covered either, so it’s more that the medical coverage is sexist than it is discriminatory towards trans people specifically.

Japan isn’t for SRS. It’s not very advanced here, and it’s too expensive. Thailand is where you want to go for that, or back to the United States, or Canada. Those are three best countries, if you have the economic privilege to be able to travel.

Kat Callahan > Bman76s-ws6OtherAccount 01/28/2016 at 22:28

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That was the joke, yes. TRANSformer. And I’d probably be a 2000 Civic Type R in Championship White. :3

Kat Callahan > In a Mini; let them mock me as My Mini Countryman is higher than you 01/28/2016 at 22:36

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I had to look that up.

Uhm, I know that what I just read about AGP doesn’t seem to mirror my experiences. I don’t find the idea of me as as a woman sexually arousing. I don’t find the idea of me with a vagina sexually arousing. I find those ideas to merely be the correct state of being. I have no idea why I am attracted to women, or why I was attracted to girls as an adolescent. It just happened.

I think AGP sounds like a crock of shit, honestly, but all I can definitively say is that it doesn’t apply to me.

Bman76s-ws6OtherAccount > Kat Callahan 01/28/2016 at 22:38

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This is a good choice.

(I got the pun, I hope that I didn’t come across as rude)

Kat Callahan > Bman76s-ws6OtherAccount 01/28/2016 at 22:39

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Not at all!

yamahog > R Saldana [|Oo|======|oO|] - BTC/ETH/LTC Prophet 01/28/2016 at 22:48

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When I was in middle/high school, it was much easier to get alone time with members of the same sex, and that was a factor in coming out or being outed at a relatively young age.

themanwithsauce - has as many vehicles as job titles > In a Mini; let them mock me as My Mini Countryman is higher than you 01/28/2016 at 23:12

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Trans is a blanket term for certain states of gender identity involving a transition from one to another.

AGP is a graphics card slot for computers used from the late 90s to early 2000s.

Real simple stuff.

Denver Is Stuck In The 90s > Kat Callahan 01/28/2016 at 23:14

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So would you say that both gender and sexuality have nothing to do with biology and are a social construct?

themanwithsauce - has as many vehicles as job titles > TheHondaBro 01/28/2016 at 23:15

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Easier system - unisex bathrooms with locking doors. Have your usual male/female areas with the open areas and stalls and then have a nice amount of unisex, single human bathrooms that can also act as like a baby changing room, or places for people with other medical needs to tend to them. Lots of people need to give themselves injections of medication. Depending on who they’re with and what they take, might not be a bad idea to have a nice clean private space to take care of your health needs.

Bam. Solved.

Kat Callahan > Denver Is Stuck In The 90s 01/28/2016 at 23:19

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I would not. I would say that they are both social constructs directly affected by real, underlying biological realities. Nature is messy, and humans are uncomfortable with categorical ambiguities. That’s why we don’t like it when nature steps outside of our nice established boundaries.

gmporschenut also a fan of hondas > Kat Callahan 01/28/2016 at 23:23

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Question:

which bike do you go with?

Flavien Vidal > Kat Callahan 01/28/2016 at 23:24

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Holy shit, I hope you took your afternoon off haha :)

thebigbossyboss > Kat Callahan 01/28/2016 at 23:32

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Can I ask you one from two years ago? Ok deal.

http://oppositelock.kinja.com/well-since-we-…

Kat Callahan > themanwithsauce - has as many vehicles as job titles 01/28/2016 at 23:35

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Wrote an article on this. I support lots of unisex individual bathrooms for many reasons.

Kat Callahan > gmporschenut also a fan of hondas 01/28/2016 at 23:36

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I don’t own a bike, but I like the green one in that picture better. I’ve never much paid attention to bike shapes though.

Kat Callahan > thebigbossyboss 01/28/2016 at 23:38

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Follow the email, or any specific directions of your coworker. Do your best to not be a jerk, apologise when you accidentally are a jerk. That’s the best advice.

v8corvairpickup > Kat Callahan 01/28/2016 at 23:41

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I think the most important thing is that a person needs to be happy being themselves. Whatever it takes to live a happy life. I decided to live a life that makes me happy. What does it matter if someone disagrees with a personal decision I’ve made as long as what I’ve done isn’t illegal. We have a rule at home. No “shoulds” are allowed in our house. We realized that a “should” is someone else putting their views, morals, expectations or ideals on us. Decide to do something or not, just don’t think you should do it because someone is in your head.

thebigbossyboss > Kat Callahan 01/28/2016 at 23:47

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Thanks. We all got laid off some time ago but since you were offering this I just wanted to revisit it.

Shoop > fhrblig 01/28/2016 at 23:50

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Itd be pretty gay tbh

pjhusa > Kat Callahan 01/28/2016 at 23:57

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What is MAIS, if you don't mind me asking?

Wheelerguy > Kat Callahan 01/28/2016 at 23:57

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Not necessarily gonna go talk about the main topic right now, I’ll just get this out of the way...

{Aside: It’s a bit strange to see an eagle and “Audi Sport customer Racing” in one car, no? Or an American livery on a German car?}

!!! UNKNOWN CONTENT TYPE !!!

Seriously, Andy Blackmore’s spotter guide art looks pretty good enough to be made into comics, at least to recap an event. The four-panel below the guide and the T-shirt art (after this paragraph) sold me. They’re accurate, real, and clinical, but also eye-popping and conveys action without resorting to shaky-cam.

[And it can be helped, a racing game. Not sure if the graphical style can be made to work in a game that best pops in hyper-real 3D, but damn.]

Now... intercourse. How is it going to work in a trans setup? And on a scale of Roman Catholic Heaven to Valhalla, how good is it?

Blunion05 drives a pink S2000 (USER WAS BANNED FOR THIS POST) > pjhusa 01/29/2016 at 00:07

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https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mild_andr…

ObfuscatedMudFlap > Kat Callahan 01/29/2016 at 00:11

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Out of curiosity I looked up AGP as well and it suprisinly sounds similar to feelings I’ve had for years. I’m a hetero cis male and have had arousing thoughts about myself as a bisexual female. I had alwyas thought it was just a weird fetish.

EL_ULY > Kat Callahan 01/29/2016 at 00:22

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Is there any disparity between the Trans community and the Cross-dressing community?

I have a trans friend (male doing hormone treatments and all that biz to become female) Me and my wife had a double date with him and a female friend when all of a sudden a gross old guy wearing a blonde wig from a Halloween costume came up to my friend and started flirting. Very molested by this 100% male in a wig, we decided to leave. The man then shouted, “hey, I thought you wanted to fuck tonight? We are both dressed to play like girls, what’s the problem?” Basically on the ride home, I was told the difference between some horny man with odd fetishes and actual for real trans people

TheHondaBro > Xyl0c41n3 01/29/2016 at 00:25

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Enzo’s such a cutie! And I am doing a lot better, thanks for asking.

RallyWrench > Kat Callahan 01/29/2016 at 00:38

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Thank you, Kat. I just read all the questions and your answers and this has been a welcome education.

I consider myself a staunch supporter of LGBT rights and equality, but as an otherwise overwhelmingly average heterosexual cis male, I often feel ignorant of the myriad issues and developments facing the community, and don’t know where best to learn more. There’s a lot of bad info and assholes on the internet so I don’t want to be misinformed.

This has helped, so thanks again, and keep the JDM goodness coming.

ktfright | Kinja Neighborhood Black Guy > Wheelerguy 01/29/2016 at 00:40

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Almost looks like Auto Modellista.

Blunion05 drives a pink S2000 (USER WAS BANNED FOR THIS POST) > Kat Callahan 01/29/2016 at 00:46

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Whenever I’m on tumblr sometimes I will notice blog descriptions written along the lines of identifying as “it/them” and some other terms. Is this relating to being a transgender? I notice that these terms frequently appear on bloggers’ pages who look female. Why do they not identify as “her”, etc.? What do these bloggers mean by these terms? Also, will I be corrected if I address a transgender person with the wrong gender specific term? If I told somebody, “Go ask her” and “her” was addressing you, is that correct?

smobgirl > ADabOfOppo; Gone Plaid (Instructables Can Be Confusable) 01/29/2016 at 00:47

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I don’t mean anything by this at all but I’m amused (and a little stuck on the idea) that a wallet can be gender specific. I guess it’s not something I’d ever considered, though I know what you mean. I just think of wallets in terms of “practical” or “not practical.”

Wheelerguy > ktfright | Kinja Neighborhood Black Guy 01/29/2016 at 01:10

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YES!!! Just like that, but vector graphics and Forza gameplay.

Mercedes Streeter > TheHondaBro 01/29/2016 at 01:33

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That is correct!

Kat Callahan > Blunion05 drives a pink S2000 (USER WAS BANNED FOR THIS POST) 01/29/2016 at 01:37

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Tumblr has absolutely no relation to reality whatsoever. I actually put a block on it to keep me from accidentally stumbling onto a tumblr post when I am doing research. I can’t comment on what goes on there because real academic discourse mutates so thoroughly.

I’m a woman. I am medically recognised as a female on medical forms. All my accessible documents going back something like 18 years list me as female.

If you call me “her,” you’re being 100% accurate. If you were to address me as “him,” you would definitely be corrected.

Kat Callahan > themanwithsauce - has as many vehicles as job titles 01/29/2016 at 01:39

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Mercedes Streeter > EL_ULY 01/29/2016 at 01:42

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I can answer that one!

The trans community and the crossdressing community are distinctly different.

Transgender people (myself and Kat) typically go through the lifelong transition process to effectively become their desired gender. Typically, this is permanent and ongoing persistently. We see ourselves as women, nothing more. And while there can be sexual aspects to it, the desire to transition is not sex driven.

Crossdresserso are just that. They ONLY dress as another gender to fulfill some goal. In your case, this person just wanted sex. Some other people enjoy temporarily playing the part of being another gender. Some people just like to express their feminine/masculine side.

Kat Callahan > pjhusa 01/29/2016 at 01:43

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FWIW, mine is a lot more noticeable than what the wiki article describes.

Mercedes Streeter > Hot Takes Salesman 01/29/2016 at 01:43

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Trump being elected President. So 11.

Kat Callahan > EL_ULY 01/29/2016 at 01:51

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Mercedes did a pretty decent job of describing the distinction. Trans men really are men. Trans women really are women. Therefore, they’re not cross-dressing. Just going about their daily business and would rather be un-harassed.

Kat Callahan > smobgirl 01/29/2016 at 01:52

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I’ve had the same wallet since 2003. Yeah, I’d say practical wins every damn time.

Mercedes Streeter > Rusty Vandura - www.tinyurl.com/keepoppo 01/29/2016 at 01:55

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Under no circumstances is it okay to ask us about our genitals. If we feel like you deserve to know, we will tell you. Yes, there are circumstances in which you *should* know...but that’s still out of your control. lol

Kat Callahan > RallyWrench 01/29/2016 at 01:55

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It’s not something I enjoy doing. Only something I sometimes find important to do. The online nonsense rarely affects my daily life though. I’m not treated any differently than any other woman in Japan on account of sex, which has its both advantages and disadvantages. I am sometimes treated differently due to phenotypical/ethnic traits, but one is independent of the other, obviously.

Mercedes Streeter > CRider 01/29/2016 at 02:00

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Yes.

Mercedes Streeter > Kat Callahan 01/29/2016 at 02:04

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“Tumblr has absolutely no relation to reality whatsoever.”

This. ^^^

I literally do not have enough time in my entire life to explain how terrible Tumblr is for the Trans community. And let's not even get into completely made up genders with pronouns that were also made up out of thin air.

Mercedes Streeter > Wheelerguy 01/29/2016 at 02:17

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Well I have the answer to your question...butt I can’t promise it’s going to be completely rated PG.

Wheelerguy > Mercedes Streeter 01/29/2016 at 03:17

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OK, done with snack. Do tell.

Here’s my ID.

Burn-Spaz1966-Burn > Kat Callahan 01/29/2016 at 03:23

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Well if I ever have to be in combat again I hope that I have someone as brave as you on my left and right.

Hot Takes Salesman > Kat Callahan 01/29/2016 at 06:43

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I think that point was one of the cornerstones of a piece Last Week Tonight did on transgender rights. John Oliver ran a bunch of clips of interviews with trans people and pretty much said “Why the fuck is the first thing you ask is about the state of the other person’s genitals?!”

Mercedes Streeter > Wheelerguy 01/29/2016 at 08:06

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It’s like Valhalla while eating an ice cream cone and riding a unicorn while listening to Pink Floyd.

Okay, this next part is going to get weird. Sorry not sorry.

Butt seriously, I absolutely love it. The intercourse is actually very flexible depending on the person, their dysphoria, and the positions they want to be in. I mean, I used to see myself as a sub, but hormones seemingly changed that.

My girlfriend and I use our existing “tools” to get the job done. I usually bite her all over and it just goes downhill from there. However, since my “doo-dad” has shrunken to the size of a tic tac and hers has not, usually I operate her stick shift in any manner I please.

ADabOfOppo; Gone Plaid (Instructables Can Be Confusable) > smobgirl 01/29/2016 at 09:14

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I wasn’t passing any judgement in my comment, only stating that a wallet like the one Kat had posted earlier this week is usually only used by men. I know that I have never seen a woman carry a wallet like that; that’s not to say it never happens, only I have never seen it.

Again, I am not passing any judgement. I am so far from perfect, there is no way I am fit to judge anyone else. I may disagree with people, their actions, or their beliefs, but that does not mean I wish to condemn them.

ADabOfOppo; Gone Plaid (Instructables Can Be Confusable) > Kat Callahan 01/29/2016 at 09:22

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Okay.

And I don’t say that to be trite.

I just have no real response otherwise. I am so far from perfect that I am no position to judge others, and clearly you have talked with people who know medically what is in your best interest. I am no doctor, so why would I make assumptions or judgments about what is best for anyone else? Granted, we all do, but I do try to be aware of my instincts. Hell, I can’t even do a great job of keeping myself healthy as I could stand to loose some weight and suck at staying disciplined enough to work out on a regular basis. How should I know what is best for anyone else?

R Saldana [|Oo|======|oO|] - BTC/ETH/LTC Prophet > Kat Callahan 01/29/2016 at 09:28

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WOW!! I did not know that there were cases of developmental issues on a biological scale. I really am grateful for you being open and sharing about this. Genuinely mind blowing concept has now entered my brain.

smobgirl > ADabOfOppo; Gone Plaid (Instructables Can Be Confusable) 01/29/2016 at 09:42

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Nooo I didn’t mean to imply that you were at all. It was sort of a lightbulb moment for me, was all. It set me thinking for a bit about how much there is to try and guess about people with sometimes very ambiguous information.

My wallet was probably intended for a male hipster (bifold, canvas, weird squirrel pattern I thought was cute). I like it when I’m somewhere for work that a purse would call too much attention but I’d never even considered how it appears otherwise.

I’ve had people mistake me for a lesbian most of my life - not frequently but enough. Who knows how many little signals like that mean nothing to me but are taken as significant to others?

Luc - The Acadian Oppo > Kat Callahan 01/29/2016 at 10:53

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I understand you were born physically male but more less always identified as female. The question I have since it’s seemed unclear through the comments. Did you grow up as female from a very young age thru grade school and what not or did you have “come out” at one point in life? Your medical condition MAIS if I understand correctly means that you were always physically part female to begin with?

From what I’ve been able to make out it seems like you went thru life as mostly female.

Rusty Vandura - www.tinyurl.com/keepoppo > Mercedes Streeter 01/29/2016 at 11:59

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As a public school teacher (12-year-olds), I deal with inappropriate behavior all day long. Learning to expect it helps me to not be surprised by it. And avoiding the shock helps me to respond in a rational, constructive manner. So on behalf of all the ignorant — as opposed to stupid or mean — schlubs out there who have asked you that inappropriate question, please accept my apology. Reasonable, sensitive people will sometimes not have the emotional intelligence to be appropriately sensitive. Great opportunity to provide some gentle schooling. If they’re sensitive at all, they’ll be embarrassed and apologetic and they’ll join your team.

RallyWrench > Kat Callahan 01/29/2016 at 12:04

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Well, I appreciate your efforts, and particularly that you feel this community both deserves and is receptive to them. I’m glad to hear the online idiots of the world rarely get to you, I work with a guy who is painfully closed minded and it bugs the shit out of me daily. It does lead me to a question, actually: Do you feel you’re treated better in Japan than you would be in the average American town?

Mercedes Streeter > Rusty Vandura - www.tinyurl.com/keepoppo 01/29/2016 at 12:09

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Actually, I’m one of the more open people you’ll come across (see, my response to the guy asking how trans sex works lol). So if you ask about my genitals, I’ll have no problem telling you. :) It’s the only reason that I was willing to fight on the FP yesterday and today as well. I can take it, I love it. :)

But generally, most of us will feel incredibly awkward at such a question. If it’s asked in public, it’s effectively outing them too...so it’s double awkward.

Rusty Vandura - www.tinyurl.com/keepoppo > Mercedes Streeter 01/29/2016 at 13:58

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Let me state here that I have much respect for you and I was paying attention to you before any of this courageous talk about gender began. I have decided to save time and take an immediate liking to you.

Mercedes Streeter > Rusty Vandura - www.tinyurl.com/keepoppo 01/29/2016 at 14:29

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Awe why thank you so much! I am actually about to post a monthly update to Oppo in a few minutes as well. :) I love when people take interest in this subject. Hopefully someday, everyone will look back on all the hate and stuff and think “wow, we were freaking crazy back then”.

Rusty Vandura - www.tinyurl.com/keepoppo > Mercedes Streeter 01/29/2016 at 14:32

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Things are turning.

Kat Callahan > Luc - The Acadian Oppo 01/29/2016 at 17:22

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There are those who would argue that your perception isn’t correct, but I would say it was.

The MAIS means I’m mostly male (if we’re talking about aggregate ideas about what parts are what), but I tend to look younger, like my puberty was incomplete, because it was. I have almost no body hair, didn’t have facial hair of any kind until I was 26, and even now, it’s a tiny amount (many cisgender women also have this, it’s called hirsutism), I’m tall but very thin, I only weigh 50kilo. There’s some additional craziness going on internally that might become an issue later, so I suppose that’s correct to say. When I was younger, the only thing I needed to be read as a girl was longer hair and feminine clothes.

I was always smaller, thinner, and more “delicate” for lack of a better word, than other children. I was a “boy,” but I spent as much time around girls as I could, most of my interactions with boys were bullying or violent. But I didn’t really have any friends. I spent most of my time alone, having a combination of toys and activities across the “gendered” spectrum. GI Joes and My Little Ponies and He-Man and Strawberry Shortcake. My parents let me pretty much do anything I wanted, and I tried everything from ballet to football. Football ended rather badly when I was attacked by my team members. Starting to sense a pattern?

I grew up with a legal male name, but I changed it very early in life, to various degrees of success. In elementary school I went by my initials KC, because it would come out as Casey or Kasey, which is a very gender ambiguous name. By 14, I was using Kat. It only caught on outside of school though, in school, I had very little freedom to openly present as female, despite definitely seeing myself as such, but I definitely tested the boundaries of femininity as much as I could. This led to a lot of violence and bullying, and most of my peers mistaking me as a gay dude. Despite this I dated a number of my female peers, including popular ones, and I was always open with them about my gender, even though I lacked the formal tools to talk about it. In retrospect, I am actually amazed how accepted that was. For all of the bullshit I put up with, none of the girls I dated ever walked away from that conversation and went and started horrible rumors or anything like that. I did have a group of male friends (and their girlfriends) in high school, who remain friends with me now, I also told them, and they accepted it. We’ve not got much in common these days, but at the time, what we did have in common was that nobody else liked us for various reasons. It was a sort of mutual survival grouping.

Outside of school, I was using spaces like anime conventions and science fiction conventions, etc, to be read as a girl. This allowed me, ironically, to feel normal, because given my ability to pass, if I wanted others to see me as I saw myself, all it really took was a change of clothes, and it gave me an excuse to leave an area where I was known in a skirt or whatever. Although I didn’t have a great many of the experiences of being a teenage girl, I also didn’t really have any of the experiences of being a teenage boy. I certainly always saw myself a saw as a girl, and always self-socialised as one, and as such, I often say I’m not sure I approve so much of the word transgender, anymore, because my gender has been rock-solid since I was three years old. I just use it because it’s the only way to talk about it. However, I didn’t transition, to be honest, everyone else did. I’m not any more or less socialised female than I ever have been. My personality is only different based on age and experience, not based on any kind of gender shift.

I went through much of my early life as a girl stuffed in boys clothes, but still obviously not-boy. And that meant I did not express myself as a boy, which led to confusion and frustration amongst adults, and bullying and violence amongst my peers. There are some trans people who can hide their gender very well. I never could. I was definitely a trans child, why it took me so long to break free of the restrictions I dealt with inside of school (since my parents were so understanding at home) was because it was the 80s and 90s, and we just didn’t know that trans children like me existed. If we had known, had even my parents known, I’d have been completely raised as a girl as soon as I expressed that I was, and my parents would have followed the procedures for trans children, had they existed. My parents were, and remain, awesome. They did the best with the world as it was at the time, and that meant, my girlhood may have been restricted and battered elsewhere, but at home, it existed.

Kat Callahan > R Saldana [|Oo|======|oO|] - BTC/ETH/LTC Prophet 01/29/2016 at 17:40

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Those of us with these diagnoses, CAIS, MAIS, PAIS, Klinefelter’s, etc etc etc etc have never been well understood by the general population, even though Clarkson is right about numbers, we are talking 1 in 1000 people. Sure that’s only .1% of the population, but .1% of 7 Billion is 7 Million. That’s a lot of people. And that only counts people with verifiable biological issues that we currently know exist . There are trans people who exist and yet they don’t appear to have anything we currently know about. My view is that we will eventually find underlying biological causes for sexuality and gender, and I hope we as a society are mature enough to accept them as natural variations of the human condition and not try to view them as problems to be fixed by things like genetic tampering and what not.